Amateur Coder

Hey strangers!

I’ve been really really busy lately and have actually completely forgotten to blog. Work itself hasn’t been crazy, it’s actually been going pretty nicely lately. Good things have happened. ūüôā The thing that’s keeping me busy is my obsessive desire to learn new skills (and learn them well). As of right now, I’m diving deeper and deeper into the world of coding and trying to learn as much as possible about it.

I started learning CSS and HTML about 2 years ago back when I was in college. I took a Writing for the Web course that required me to learn those two languages through courses on Codecademy, after which I made this website as my final project. Obviously this site has come a very very long way since then as I’m constantly changing it, but that was what first sparked my interest in the language of computers.

Over the years I’ve added to and tweaked my site regularly, but that wasn’t enough. I wanted to learn more. A few months ago, I decided to go through the Codecademy courses on HTML and CSS again to refresh my knowledge on the subject. I only recently finished (It’s a lot of course material!) and am now in the process of transcribing my 150+ pages of notes on both languages. (I learn by writing, so I take very thorough notes.) Because of these refresher courses, I found that I desired the ability to control and edit my own personal site more than I was capable of doing before. Now that I have a much deeper understanding of HTML and CSS, I wanted to write my own code on my own website. In order to do this, I had to upgrade to a Premium plan with WordPress, which was an absolutely amazing decision. I was given freedom over my website’s CSS and was able to completely redesign and spice up my home page in ways that I never could before.

Senior photo of Anna
Check out my new home page!

Once I finish typing up my very excessive notes, I plan to take on the task of learning JavaScript next. I like the idea of getting good at these languages and being able to incorporate it into whatever jobs I look for in the future.
If anyone else has taken on learning coding on their own before, advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

xx – A

2019 Resolutions

img_9178I am fully aware of the fact that 2019 is well under-way and it’s a bit late to be doing a 2019 Resolution blog, but oh well. (Or am I still in the correct timeframe? I don’t know!) Regardless, I had been wanting to do a blog about my resolutions for the new year for a long time and I even had notes about what to write in a note on my phone. I’m so prepared, I know!

Typically, I’ve never been one to wait until the new year to start a resolution. I always thought of it kind of as an excuse to procrastinate doing something that you should start doing as soon as possible (like working out, for example). I still feel that way for the most part, but there’s a sense of finality when you say you’re going to “leave something in 2018” and I am starting to appreciate that phrase a bit more. Looking back on my life, I can ultimately decide what years for me were better than others, and this past year definitely had it’s high points, but as a whole, I hated it. It was a year for growth and sometimes growth is insanely painful and hard. At least it definitely was for me.

I decided to make 2019 a beautiful year in every sense of the word. I want to do my best to make myself happy and in order to do that, I need to bring a few healthy habits or routines through the year with me.

My first goal for myself is to stop comparing myself to people. I don’t talk about how frequently I do this because I’ve really only noticed recently. The worst part, it’s not physical features that I compare as much, it’s personality characteristics–my success, my income, my motivation, things like that. Rather than admire someone else’s success, I find myself putting myself down because I might not have had that level of success. This is a really bad habit to be in, and I genuinely just need to learn to appreciate myself and my accomplishments without comparing every little thing to other people. (I hope that makes sense.)

My next goal for 2019 is fairly simple, actually and it encompasses most other resolutions I could have typed out here. It’s to leave toxic people in 2019. If there is someone that is bringing negativity into my life, I just need to back away. Maybe they’ll realize what they’re doing, maybe they won’t. To add to that, I want to stop giving so much of my time and effort to people who do not deserve it. I’ve realized that I put in way more effort into relationships than I receive and it’s not fair to me.

img_9177

Also, I’m going to try to spend less time on social media. It’s toxic, we all know this.

I struggled a lot this past year, and I really just want to be as happy as possible in the future. Lately my life has been pretty happy and I love that so much. I want to maintain that low-stress streak. Who wouldn’t?

Since there was actually a “start date” for these goals, it almost seems easier to embrace them 100%. It’s time to really take care of myself.

xx – A

LOL Someone Sees Through Me (Oh No!!!)

Y’all I didn’t think I was cool enough to have trolls on my internet things, but I guess I am!! How exciting! I checked my blog today and was¬†delighted¬†to find that someone had left me a quite lengthy comment about their, rather low, opinion of me. Not that I care what they have to say, but I’ve gotten a few comments similar to this one on various social media platforms over the last few weeks and it’s honestly just annoying. So here’s the comment, but fair warning, this individual clearly has some personal issues they need to work out. I See Through You

I just wanna take a minute to defend myself because I’m not one for sitting back and letting people throw punches at me. ūüôā

  1. My blog is whatever the hell I want it to be. If someone thinks it’s “self-righteous” then they don’t need to read it. This is my website and my blog that are mine to use how I please.
  2. I pay my fair share of rent at my house. Also, the house itself hasn’t helped with my depression, being significantly closer to my friends has. I see people I love almost every day and that has saved me from the darkest months of my life.
  3. I do create art.
  4. I can take shots of whatever I want. If I wanna take a pic that shows my butt off, I am allowed to do just that.
  5. No one at iHeart is obsessed with me. In fact, I’m not even sure where one would get that assumption. I wear my noise cancelling headphones all day and avoid talking to other people.
  6. THERE IS NO SILICON ANYWHERE IN MY BODY. But thanks for the compliment, I think I have nice boobs also.
  7. I’m pretty without makeup, too. ūüėČ

Why do people think it’s okay to judge people they don’t know? I know this is a blog, but believe it or not, there are a lot of things I don’t actually talk about on here.

My 2019 wish for anyone out there with negativity to spread: don’t judge people you don’t know. Try to give others the benefit of the doubt because more than likely, they have been through more than you could ever know. It’s taken me a very long time to get my mental health to the place it is today. I’m proud of that progress. I don’t appreciate people coming in shooting shots at me for no reason other than to try to make themselves feel better.

Sidenote: I also have Humble stuck in my head thanks to that oh-so-insightful comment.

Happy New Year, fam! Don’t be mean to people.

xx – A

My Professional Future

Two blogs??? In two days??? Crazy, I know. I’m just feeling chatty and this is my favorite way to get some things off my mind.img_8704

Lately, I’ve found myself contemplating my options regarding what to do in the future, professionally. I graduated about a year ago with my degree in Communication, but I still don’t really know where to go with it. Of course, I’m still with iHeartMedia, but the job I have now is only a stepping stone. I need to sort out where I want to go next and what I want to do.

Since I’m a relatively logical person, my first step in this inquisition was to do a bit of Googling. Turns out, that helps a lot. 

“What kind of jobs can I get with a communication degree?”

  • Meeting/event planner
  • Social media manager
  • Business reporter
  • Brand manager
  • Sales representative
  • Web producer
  • Marketing coordinator
  • Advertising executive

Those are just some of the things I discovered, but oh my god! Having a general idea of the places I can go with my degree is more helpful than I could have imagined. 

You see, I’m a planner. I like to know where I’m going and how I’m going to get there months in advance. This allows me to make sure I am 100% prepared for whatever I want to do. If I want to go into a job with social media management, I need to make sure to build and fine-tune my skill set before I actually try for jobs doing that. 

Even though Google helped me get a bit of an idea regarding what I can do, I still haven’t got the slightest idea what I actually want to do. I had never considered this before, but the concept of being an event planner sounds oddly enticing. I’m a very organized and meticulous person so I think I would be greatly suited to such a job. 

Who knows, though? I could end up doing practically anything, but I do want to make sure that it leads me in the right direction. 

“The steps you take don’t need to be big, the just need to take you in the right direction.” -A.O.S.

I guess I’ve just been confused lately and if anyone happens to read this blog that’s also feeling confused, they should know it’s perfectly normal. You just have to constantly work towards making yourself the best you can be, is all. 

Anyways, that’s all I have for now. 

xx – A 

P.S. Check out page 2 of this blog for a bit of added insight on my job researching.

Two Steps Forward….

img_6960So you know what they say? Two steps forward, one step back? I long-jumped backwards. In my defense though, I had been running at a full sprint forwards for a while so I guess it caught up to me a bit. Performing as perfectly as possible forever isn’t realistic, I guess.

I’ve been having a hard time lately, and when I’m having a hard time, I’ve found my best way to deal with it is to blog. So i’m back. I took like a month long hiatus from blogging because i was distracted, but no more!

I’ve been lacking motivation and desire to workout and blog and do all of those things lately. I’ve still been making myself workout pretty regularly, but it’s just not fun for me right now. I need to work on getting back into a healthier mindset, but it’s not easy. It feels freaking impossible. I really need to work on keeping toxicity out of my life instead of letting it poison me from the inside out.

My priorities shifted away from the desire to excel and that really upsets me. Like i was blogging once a week, and now? It‚Äôs been so long! I‚Äôm not even nearly as motivated as I had previously been to bang out my freelance blogs (although i‚Äôm obviously still writing them regularly). I’m thinking it’s time for a mental reboot, but I’m not really sure how to do that other than start doing the things I need to do again. Blogging, working out, spending time with friends and family, saving money, working hard. Working hard makes me happy and I need to make sure to always do what makes me happy.

I decided I’m going to implement some new short-term goals for myself to help get back on track. ūüôā I figured that typing them out and sharing them with the world would help hold me accountable. (Feel free to call me out if you notice me slacking.) I’m writing out 5 goals for myself for the next few weeks that will hopefully get me back to where I need and want to be.

  1. Fall in love with working out again. Embrace the endorphins that come with working out, and use your beautiful workout group to find your way back to the healthy relationship you had with working out.
  2. Stop spending so freely. You’ve stopped so heavily focusing on your goal of moving to Florida and if you want that to happen, you need to continue to be smart with your spending habits.
  3. Get back into regular blogging, both freelance and personal. It’s a therapeutic habit and when you start slacking on that, you start losing focus.
  4. Learn to not be so hard on yourself. You’re your own biggest critic, and honestly, you need to learn how to chill out sometimes when it comes to beating yourself up when you muck up.
  5. Practice good self care. ūüôā Eat healthier, take care of yourself, do facemasks, paint your nails, etc. Do it all and do it with love!

Hopefully this blog wasn’t too dull or whatever for you to read. Sometimes I write for other people and sometimes I do it for myself. Today is a day for the latter.

Hope everyone has a great rest of their week.

xx – A

P.S. In the last few weeks, vacationed in Destin, Florida with my friends, turned 23, went home, spent the day at Six Flags, tubed the river, visited with a friend from Belgium, spent loads of time with friends (doing all of those activities), and made some amazing memories. Just a little update. ūüôā

Social Media Cleanse

Has anyone had the desire to delete their social media accounts and just kind of take a break from it all? I feel like we all have had that desire at some point, but the amount of people who actually act on it is a much smaller number. Well, I’m officially part of that number.

I¬†realized something a while ago–I have a social media addiction. It’s kind of a dependency, really. I rely on the validation I get when I post things, and I’ve realized how bad that is. I need to take a step back from social media as a whole. So, after a week of chewing on the idea, I decided to get started. I need to post on social media because it makes me happy, NOT because I want validation.

downloadThe first thing to go was going to be Twitter. “That’ll be the easiest,” I thought to myself.¬†So last Tuesday, I deleted my Twitter app. I didn’t delete my entire account because 1) my blogs are shared to Twitter and 2) my Instagram posts are shared to Twitter. I have enough willpower to keep myself off of it for a while. (I’m not trying to cut social media altogether, I just need to take a step back.) So far, not being on Twitter hasn’t been so bad. Boy, I wasn’t prepared for how difficult the next step would be though–Snapchat.

unnamedSnapchat was (and still is) my main social media issue. I always told myself I couldn’t delete it because “streaks”, but when I realized I had no streaks I cared about, deleting it became a possibility. I actually wanted to delete Snapchat before I considered deleting Twitter, but decided to start small. On Monday I started chewing on the idea of deleting Snapchat, but I didn’t take action on that thought until Friday evening. I figured if I was busy all weekend, the first few days might be a little easier.

I was wrong.

(Disclaimer: I didn’t delete the entire app because I don’t want to have to redownload the¬†thousands¬†of pictures I have saved on there again. I also wanted to have access to those pictures while not being on the app. I just turned off¬†all¬†notifications and turned off cellular data for the app. That’s been good enough for now.)

img_6035

Y’all, I can’t even tell you how many times I came THIS CLOSE¬†to reactivating it. Oh my god I came so close. I actually have a confession, I reactivated it¬†once on Saturday to see who had seen the “I’m getting off Snap” snap that I had posted. I didn’t open a single snap I had received over the course of 22 hours, nor did I watch a single story…but I still cheated a little. I feel a little guilty, but I’m not perfect!

Today marks 3 days without Snapchat, 6 days without Twitter, and honestly I’m feeling great. I would delete Facebook and Instagram, but my KIC workout group communicates via Facebook, and I need Instagram for self-promotion related aspects. The fact that I’m cutting back so much is a huge deal for me though. I’m pretty damn proud of myself for taking this step, too. Like shit, no one told me I needed to do this, I told myself! I decided¬†on¬†my¬†own that this was the healthiest decision I could make for myself right now. I’m glad I’m doing it, even though it’s not fun.

It’s flipping hard. Y’all, I shit you not, I had a dream on¬†Saturday night that I was using Snapchat. Like, who even does that?!¬†That is not normal.

I’m sort of dreading the upcoming week though. I’m worried that I’ll get bored at work and crave it. If that happens, I’ll probably write a blog that might not even get posted (because I have drafts on drafts that I never end up posting). As of now, I’m going to try to make it a whole week without getting on Snapchat, and I’m a little ashamed that that will be the longest I’ve gone without it since downloading it back in 2012/13. That’s flipping insane.

Y’all, I literally would just get bored and instead of doing something productive, I would check Snapchat. I’d check SnapMaps, chat it up with people, watch stories, read articles on there, go through old pics (and get bad nostalgia), and do whatever else you do on Snapchat. Don’t get me wrong, all that would be fine¬†in moderation, but ya girl don’t know how to moderate. I was checking Snap like¬†way. too. often. And I was oversharing. I felt like everything I did needed to be posted to Snap.
Going out? Snap it.
Cooking dinner? Snap it.
Pool day? Snap it.
Working out? Snap it.
Like dude (@me), chill. No one cares.
My problem had escalated over the past few months, so I decided it was time to actually do something about it.

Has anyone else done something like this? Not because they wanted to, but because they¬†needed¬†to? If so, let me know how it went! Did it help you? Did you go back to being just as addicted after allowing yourself to get back on? I’m curious! I want this to work out for the better for me. I want to¬†be¬†better.

xx – A

Keep up with me on Instagram!

Things I Love Friday

Second Edition. (Check out the First Edition here.)

I’ve actually been in a pretty glum mood all week, which is exactly why I think I need to write this blog. I should take a step back and focus on the little things that make me happy.


  1.  KIC workouts. (Read more here.)
    Sometimes, my life seems to spin completely out of my control, and the only way I’ve found to regain that control is via working out. The girls in the KIC group are¬†so supportive¬†and they motivate me so much. Aside from them, the killer workouts that I smash out are such a crucial way for me to relieve some stress, so I would probably be completely lost without them. The pic below is a few moments after extensive planking and I was on the verge of death. (I loved it though.)
    img_5963


  2. Cat birthday parties. (Yes, I’m serious.)
    On Wednesday, my friend hosted a “birthday party” for her cat…it was mostly people though. There was two cats. One was mine. There was like 8 girls drinking wine, eating cheese and crackers, and¬†watching two cats hiss at each other. (Our cats are not friends.) It was amazing. Girl’s night to the max. Hey, any reason is a good enough reason to throw a dinner party, right?
    Yes, we actually sang “Happy Birthday” to a cat, and yes it was as great as it seems.

  3. Home cooked meals. 
    I’ve done a lot of cooking this week…more than usual. Check out my first #ThingsILoveFriday to learn about how I get these awesome meals to cook–it’s the fifth topic on my bulleted list.
    On Monday night, I made Pesto Chicken Pizza. (It was amazing, in case you were wondering.) On Tuesday I made Creamy Piccata Chicken with baked brussel sprouts and carrots. It was tasty, but not amazing–not as satisfying of a meal.¬†Super¬†healthy, though. On Thursday night, I made BBQ Shrimp Pizza. Another amazing one. (That’s what I’m having for lunch today.) I wish I could eat it for forever.
    Sadly, I only have a picture of my first meal of the week, but oh man, it was amazing. img_5972


  4. Rain.
    I love the sunshine and I love the rain, but anything in between is not okay with me. (Black or white, essentially.) That’s why I’ve been gloomy this week–it’s been cloudy but¬†not raining¬†all week. It puts me in a mood. But today,¬†today¬†it is finally¬†raining and I love it. I am hoping that the sky gets all this water stuff out of its system today though so I can have a pool day tomorrow. #Sunshine
    Here’s a blurry pic of rain on a window. It’s not particularly pretty or anything, but rain! (I’ll try to update with a better pic later.)
    img_5973


  5. New ideas.
    Vague enough? LOL allow me to elaborate. ūüôā I realized I have free time at work after I finish my tasks for the day (which is why I blog during the day). I was¬†insanely¬†bored the other day, and I realized something–if I blog on my own blog a few times a week, why can’t I do the same for someone else? So now, during my free time, I’m looking for opportunities (paid or unpaid) to blog about anything under the sun for anyone who will let me. It’s nothing special, but it’s something to work toward and I like having goals. I like maintaining maximum levels of productivity, so if I can find opportunities doing things I love, that’d be flippin’ awesome!


Alright fam, I think that’s all I’ve got for today. I don’t have a ton of things, but I tried. That’s what counts right? I always need to find things that make me happy and hold on tight to them, and that’s essentially the purpose of these #ThingsILoveFriday posts. I hope you enjoyed the read. ūüôā

xx – A

Happy. Blissfully happy.

I realized something yesterday. Something amazing.

As I was finishing up my workout (courtesy of the KIC program), I started thinking about the rest of the things I had to do before I could go to bed–fold laundry, eat dinner, shower, paint my nails, tidy up, things like that. I got this warm feeling inside me, and I couldn’t quite place what it was until later. I was literally standing in the shower when it hit me:¬†now,¬†in this moment, is the happiest I have been in so long. Longer than I can remember. In that moment, I realized I am the least stressed, least dependant, most healthy, and¬†happiest¬†I have been in¬†years.¬†Not weeks. Not months.¬†Years.¬†I wish I was exaggerating about that too, but sadly, I am not.

This realization hit me like a freaking wall and it kind of shook me to my core. All of the things that used to stress me out regularly are no longer a part of my life, whether they were school-related, money-related, people-related, or whatever else. They’re no longer an issue. My life has gone from something I didn’t necessarily have full control over, to one that I am¬†so proud¬†to call totally and completely¬†mine.
Don’t get me wrong, I still stress over stuff all the time, but the things I stress about are things I can control. So I fix them. I work through all of the things stressing me out until the stress is gone. I still stress about money, but working full-time makes that stress manageable compared to when I was in college and having less than $100 in my account was standard. I support myself, I control my life, I do the things I want to do and avoid the things I don’t, I have an amazing routine, and I. Am. Happy.

For so long, I struggled with pretty bad depression and anxiety (I still do), but I am getting a handle on those things now. The depression has gone from something I dealt with daily to something that just pops up every now and then. But I know how to handle it now. I know what to do to right myself and move past it. Anxiety is something I feel I will always deal with, but I’ve reduced the number of things in my life that¬†cause¬†anxiety, so I have a good handle on that as well. Guys, I have an actual handle on my life now. It feels amazing. I have so many things going for me, I can’t help but feel blessed.

Honestly, I owe part of this emotional success to a workout routine. I maintained my own routine for about a month before I joined KIC, and things have only gone up since joining. The community I am a part of is SO INSPIRING. It feels so good and so empowering to be a part of it. Working out hard helps me to keep my stress levels at a manageable level, as well as release those fantastic happy endorphins that I love.

I am living my life for me. No one else. Right now, in this moment, I am the best version of myself I have been in a long time. I am so proud of how far I have come.

xx – A

P.S. I dyed my hair pink and I want it to stay forever. And¬†yes¬†I was snapping and driving, but I was stuck in traffic. So it’s okay. ūüôā

 

Workin’ on my Fitness (& Stuff)

Lately things in my life seem like they’ve been extra insane. This week at work has¬†actually¬†been insane with my daily duties (lol) and the implementation of new tasks for my team and I. It’s been a lot to wrap my mind around,¬† and I’ve hardly had any time to write poetry down, much less blog. And I’ve been feeling particularly uninspired regarding what exactly to blog about. I told myself I’d start typing and see what happens..so here I am. Typing. Waiting.

Since my poetry time has been cut down by work’s business, my stress relief primarily comes from working out daily. I think I’m honestly getting addicted to working out. It’s the only thing that makes me feel like, good about myself at the end of the day. Every new years, I never really do the whole “resolution” thing, I always just tell myself to¬†improve myself¬†that year in some way, shape, or form. It’s been pretty successful so far in the few years since I started that particular strategy.

2015 – The first year I did it, I straightened my teeth, transferred to a different college that was better for me, and finally found a major that I love.
2016 – The second year, I made new friends who have accepted me into their friend group as one of their own (they’ve been friends since like, 7th grade) and finally had a very happy social life. Along with being more fulfilled in that aspect, I started playing tennis again VERY frequently and therefore, got into amazing shape.
2017 – The following year, I lived my life to its fullest in many different ways. I traveled more, had more experiences, did well in my classes, graduated, and spent a lot of time with friends.
2018¬†– This year, I’ve decided I need to focus on¬†me¬†more. I need to become more sound in body and mind. I stopped playing tennis about 6 months ago for reasons I don’t really want to discuss, but now, working out is my release. I’d like to be more comfortable on my own and I want to succeed in my personal endeavors.

This dependency (?) on working out kind of revealed itself to me yesterday. I didn’t really get a chance to do an actual workout, and at the end of the day, I felt really really sad. I was active, I just didn’t do an actual¬†workout workout. Y’know? I spent about 30 minutes doing very basic yoga and then trying to re-learn how to do a headstand (which made my back very sore, so that’s good).
I just am going to try to do more than what I did yesterday, every day. No matter what. No excuses.No complaints. I’m going to try to¬†push myself¬†harder than I ever have before. I need to. (And, I don’t have a reason not to, you know?)

But I don’t know, guys. I’m still not sure what this blog is about. I guess it’s about working out? My goal is to become the best version of myself that I can be. I’m going to get back into tennis, since that was always something I loved to do. I want to workout¬†at least¬†5 days a week, but ideally more (like 6-7). It makes me feel good mentally and physically, and obviously I like feeling good. Who freakin’ doesn’t?!

I’m sorry that you just read the ramblings of a crazy lady. I’m out of thoughts right now. ūüė¶ If anyone wants to hear about anything in particular, please just let me know. If not, I’ll continue doing what I’m doing, I guess. (But really, what¬†am¬†I doing?)

xx – A

P.S. I’m including some workout pics because why the hell not?

Freakin’ Poetry, Man

If a poem hasn’t ripped apart your soul: you haven’t experienced poetry.”
-Edgar Allen Poe


It’s such a therapeutic thing for me. I know I’ve said it before, but¬†seriously¬†when my mind feels like it’s spiralling inward, I just try to focus on copying down poems into a journal and it calms me. It centers me. My emotions are no longer fluctuating sporadically, but rather are at the mercy of whatever I am reading and writing in that moment. I zone out and feel whatever the poet wants me to feel, and I absolutely love it. I love it so damn much.

I cooked dinner and drank wine with a friend who is also a fan of poetry last night, and she recommended some poets for me to check out. I wasn’t a huge fan of all of them, but one stood out to me once I started doing some digging–Lang Leav. I had read some of her stuff before, but I never truly immersed myself in her work. Until today.

And holy shit, I am enamored. Her poetry is almost¬†too emotionally powerful for me to read sometimes–it’s insane! I have actually had to sit back and close my journal a few times because I needed to take another minute or two to consider what I had just read.

Small detail, I rarely read an entire poem before I decide to write it down. I tend to read just the title and first few lines, then I start copying it down. This makes it¬†that much more powerful¬†as I figure out what it’s really about as I go along. Some poems take a twist that I didn’t expect, and some are exactly what I expect them to be. I am constantly baffled by poetry’s ability to fluctuate so heavily.

I also don’t just copy down every poem I see. I am actually fairly critical of the things I want to dedicate my time and energy to copying down. They have to make me¬†feel¬†and I have to find a way to¬†really relate¬†to them right now. So lately, I haven’t had any inclination whatsoever to write down any sappy love poems even though I’ve read some truly beautiful ones. They’re not what I want to read right now.

So anyways, here’s some poems that I felt like sharing today. Some are from Lang Leav and the other are from my favorite, Erin Hanson (or “e.h.”).

Enjoy!

xx – A

0ce1da47f30f1cc4fce463b7a247249d4a1ca8013d5eadd8e50ac171c1b62e276af59a9bd41bda0258c643380290f0b108592bb3e7264caeff5ed32b2bb5c761af6bbbfaa736417254adbc3919a0d499b3133207987593b32214c451ea5a1abfc18e95a18c7cfbdc5b5335d3575c08a1

More Poetry

Sorry if this is uninteresting, it’s been such a focus in my life right now, I can’t even go a day without wanting (needing?) to read some poetry.¬†It’s just so soothing, okay?!¬†

This past weekend was Easter weekend, obviously, and my mom got me the most amazing gift–a book of poems by the poet Atticus, who as you know if you read my last blog, is one of my favorites. I didn’t go through it immediately after she gave it to me, I have certain moments during the day in which I like to read poetry. Instead of me going through it, my mom offered to thumb through and read some of the poems to me, which I readily accepted. (Having poems read to you is almost as great as writing them down yourself.)

You see, the thing I love about poetry is how these simple words and short poems (or long poems) can make you feel so hard. Everyone feels them a little differently, but they can impact you so intensely and I love that about them. There was one poem my mom started reading to me that brought me to tears, another that made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt, one that made me feel strong and empowered, and another that brought in waves of nostalgia that made my chest tight. It truly amazes me how just some simple words printed on paper can have so much of an effect on me.

Throughout work today, I’ve been working on filling my fourth and largest journal with poetry that spoke to me, and I hope to have filled it by the end of the day honestly. As much as I thoroughly enjoy writing all of these poems down, I also find great pleasure in looking through them later on at the things I selected to write down. I’m even starting to remember what poems are in what books due to my constant reading of them. I think it’s safe to say I have a slight addiction to poetry, and I love it so so much.

Honestly, I wish I could even understand how this is so therapeutic to me, but it just is. So today, I really just feel like sharing some more poetry with hopes that someone else will be able to appreciate it as much as I have. Today, I’ve been gravitating primarily to Erin Hanson’s stuff, so that’s what I’m gonna share with you guys. (These aren’t my absolute favorites, but they’re what captured my heart and mind today.)

xx – A

P.S. For those of you who read my blogs, I cannot even begin to tell you how much I appreciate it. And if they do something for you, then that means everything in the world to me.

4a02807e564f20ebe551bd7528e74ae1
This is one of my mom’s favorites.

7cf16abe54d51a2911be0c62ed1fa3dd58174a794e0b25a0b51b073f3121c2873020f2b3d0013b51d39229f086d6f665a8016d6fbdf3e5967cb64e146d7cf738dbbb7bc262ce23155427974cf75e8245tumblr_nrx7hrBG2I1r0r0vvo1_500books

Poetry

Alright, so it’s been a minute since I’ve blogged. Things have been a bit chaotic lately; I’ve been keeping busier during work and then working out after work, so that hasn’t left much time for blogging. (I usually do my blogging while at work, since I usually have some breaks during the day once I’ve caught up or gotten ahead in the things I need to do.)

So, I’ve decided I really wanna tell y’all about my newest coping mechanism when my thoughts are¬†completely overwhelming me.¬†

It all started when I was getting really interested in quotes and things of that nature. I had this pretty journal at my desk that I wasn’t using at all because, quite frankly, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to use it for. It wasn’t good for work notes or things like that. Then it hit me–I wanted to start writing quotes in it. So i started doing exactly that. I would search the internet for quotes (usually Pinterest) and when I found one that kind of spoke to me emotionally, I would write it down. I kept it to one quote per page so as to not make it look too cluttered. But after doing that for a few quotes, I wasn’t satisfied with what I was finding. It wasn’t deep enough. That led to me stumbling upon and falling in love with poetry. Man, have I gotten myself addicted to reading the beautiful, eloquent words that someone else writes that always seem to explain how I’m feeling better than I can explain myself.

I filled that notebook that same day, writing one poem per page (front and back) and realized I would need a new notebook very soon. I had stumbled upon my very own therapy. The following night, I found a notebook in my apartment that would suit my needs perfectly and started filling that one as well. One thing led to another, and next thing I know, I have filled 3 notebooks completely with poetry. I used a composition book one day because I was at work and that’s all I could get my hands on at the time, and I really needed my therapy that day.

Now, I’m not writing my own poetry or anything, I’m finding poems that speak to me, and writing them down. I feel like I understand it so much more deeply when I have to actually write it down–I love it so much!

So now that I’ve explained my recent obsession/therapy/passion whatever you want to call it, I’d like to share some of my favorite poet’s poetry with you guys. As I wrote and wrote, I found that there were certain people that I was enjoying more frequently and have since gravitated to their work.

My favorite poets are:
– e.h. (Erin Hanson)
– r.h. Sin
– rupi kaur
– atticus
– bridgett devoue
– nikita gill
– r.m. drake

Currently, my absolute favorite is Erin Hanson. The rhyming used just speaks to me. I’m going to attach a picture of my favorite poem of her’s below. She has a ton, so choosing a favorite has been difficult, but I find myself coming back to this one repeatedly. It’s just so profound! Below her, I’ll attach some poems I like by all of the other poets just so you can check them out. I hope you enjoy reading these, because I sure as hell do.

It’s so therapeutic.

xx – A
e.h.r.h. Sinrupi kauratticusbridgett devouenikita gillr.m. drake

 

The Future

We’ve all thought about the future; we all think about the future¬†constantly.¬†We think about what we’re going to do after work or school, about what we’re going to eat for dinner, or even what task we’re going to start on next after finishing the current one. Humans are creatures who are always thinking about the future; whether or not that’s a good think, I don’t know. It just is.

One thing I know for sure is the importance of creating and cultivating plans for your future to look forward to and work towards. If you’re going to school day in and day out, why are you doing it? To get a degree, yes, but what next? You need to form goals for yourself to work towards so that you have a¬†reason¬†for doing what you’re doing. The same goes for those who work jobs, they’re making money, but for what? Yeah, you have to pay bills and have money to live, but what else are you doing with your hard earned cash?¬†Make plans!

Looking forward to big events is important, but it’s the little joys that we look forward to that¬†really¬†keeps us going. Those dinner plans you made with a friend the other day? You know? The ones you’ve been looking forward to all week? Your excitement about this one simple thing keeps your mood up, and essentially gives you something to live for. Even little things like going to the gym after work, or making it through half the day and getting to take a break and eat lunch. Little joys like this get us from one point to the next.

My favorite kind of things to look forward to though, are weekend activities or vacations. (I know I can’t be the only one!) I have this weird way of getting depressed about the future¬†unless¬†I have plans in the future to look forward to. Things like Saturday hikes or weekend trips to NYC are things I can plan and look forward to. Now, the NYC thing hasn’t necessarily been set in stone just yet, but it’s a¬†goal¬†for me to work towards. I have to save money to buy a flight to get there, and once I do that, I can have solid plans.

airplane

As someone who has an ongoing battle with depression and anxiety, I have found ways to keep myself afloat. I keep busy, and I keep looking forward. I’ll continue doing this, until I find myself in a place where I don’t have to¬†work¬†to make plans, they’ll just come naturally. I have been broken and beat down in so many ways, but my determination to¬†not¬†let life just happen to me is what’s keeping me going. I will be in charge of my life, and I¬†refuse¬†to let myself be controlled by life’s shitty events, and instead would rather take charge of my own life. Making plans is my way of doing that.

Do things that keep you going. Always.

xx – A