happy – AnnaMerissa

I am fully aware of the fact that 2019 is well under-way and it’s a bit late to be doing a 2019 Resolution blog, but oh well. (Or am I still in the correct timeframe? I don’t know!) Regardless, I had been wanting to do a blog about my resolutions for the new year for a long time and I even had notes about what to write in a note on my phone. I’m so prepared, I know!

Typically, I’ve never been one to wait until the new year to start a resolution. I always thought of it kind of as an excuse to procrastinate doing something that you should start doing as soon as possible (like working out, for example). I still feel that way for the most part, but there’s a sense of finality when you say you’re going to “leave something in 2018” and I am starting to appreciate that phrase a bit more. Looking back on my life, I can ultimately decide what years for me were better than others, and this past year definitely had it’s high points, but as a whole, I hated it. It was a year for growth and sometimes growth is insanely painful and hard. At least it definitely was for me.

I decided to make 2019 a beautiful year in every sense of the word. I want to do my best to make myself happy and in order to do that, I need to bring a few healthy habits or routines through the year with me.

My first goal for myself is to stop comparing myself to people. I don’t talk about how frequently I do this because I’ve really only noticed recently. The worst part, it’s not physical features that I compare as much, it’s personality characteristics–my success, my income, my motivation, things like that. Rather than admire someone else’s success, I find myself putting myself down because I might not have had that level of success. This is a really bad habit to be in, and I genuinely just need to learn to appreciate myself and my accomplishments without comparing every little thing to other people. (I hope that makes sense.)

My next goal for 2019 is fairly simple, actually and it encompasses most other resolutions I could have typed out here. It’s to leave toxic people in 2019. If there is someone that is bringing negativity into my life, I just need to back away. Maybe they’ll realize what they’re doing, maybe they won’t. To add to that, I want to stop giving so much of my time and effort to people who do not deserve it. I’ve realized that I put in way more effort into relationships than I receive and it’s not fair to me.

Also, I’m going to try to spend less time on social media. It’s toxic, we all know this.

I struggled a lot this past year, and I really just want to be as happy as possible in the future. Lately my life has been pretty happy and I love that so much. I want to maintain that low-stress streak. Who wouldn’t?

Since there was actually a “start date” for these goals, it almost seems easier to embrace them 100%. It’s time to really take care of myself.

xx – A

I realized something yesterday. Something amazing.

As I was finishing up my workout (courtesy of the KIC program), I started thinking about the rest of the things I had to do before I could go to bed–fold laundry, eat dinner, shower, paint my nails, tidy up, things like that. I got this warm feeling inside me, and I couldn’t quite place what it was until later. I was literally standing in the shower when it hit me: now, in this moment, is the happiest I have been in so long. Longer than I can remember. In that moment, I realized I am the least stressed, least dependant, most healthy, and happiest I have been in years. Not weeks. Not months. Years. I wish I was exaggerating about that too, but sadly, I am not.

This realization hit me like a freaking wall and it kind of shook me to my core. All of the things that used to stress me out regularly are no longer a part of my life, whether they were school-related, money-related, people-related, or whatever else. They’re no longer an issue. My life has gone from something I didn’t necessarily have full control over, to one that I am so proud to call totally and completely mine.
Don’t get me wrong, I still stress over stuff all the time, but the things I stress about are things I can control. So I fix them. I work through all of the things stressing me out until the stress is gone. I still stress about money, but working full-time makes that stress manageable compared to when I was in college and having less than $100 in my account was standard. I support myself, I control my life, I do the things I want to do and avoid the things I don’t, I have an amazing routine, and I. Am. Happy.

For so long, I struggled with pretty bad depression and anxiety (I still do), but I am getting a handle on those things now. The depression has gone from something I dealt with daily to something that just pops up every now and then. But I know how to handle it now. I know what to do to right myself and move past it. Anxiety is something I feel I will always deal with, but I’ve reduced the number of things in my life that cause anxiety, so I have a good handle on that as well. Guys, I have an actual handle on my life now. It feels amazing. I have so many things going for me, I can’t help but feel blessed.

Honestly, I owe part of this emotional success to a workout routine. I maintained my own routine for about a month before I joined KIC, and things have only gone up since joining. The community I am a part of is SO INSPIRING. It feels so good and so empowering to be a part of it. Working out hard helps me to keep my stress levels at a manageable level, as well as release those fantastic happy endorphins that I love.

I am living my life for me. No one else. Right now, in this moment, I am the best version of myself I have been in a long time. I am so proud of how far I have come.

xx – A

P.S. I dyed my hair pink and I want it to stay forever. And yes I was snapping and driving, but I was stuck in traffic. So it’s okay. 🙂