Category: Uncategorized

LOL Someone Sees Through Me (Oh No!!!)

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Y’all I didn’t think I was cool enough to have trolls on my internet things, but I guess I am!! How exciting! I checked my blog today and was delighted to find that someone had left me a quite lengthy comment about their, rather low, opinion of me. Not that I care what they have to say, but I’ve gotten a few comments similar to this one on various social media platforms over the last few weeks and it’s honestly just annoying. So here’s the comment, but fair warning, this individual clearly has some personal issues they need to work out. I See Through You

I just wanna take a minute to defend myself because I’m not one for sitting back and letting people throw punches at me. 🙂

  1. My blog is whatever the hell I want it to be. If someone thinks it’s “self-righteous” then they don’t need to read it. This is my website and my blog that are mine to use how I please.
  2. I pay my fair share of rent at my house. Also, the house itself hasn’t helped with my depression, being significantly closer to my friends has. I see people I love almost every day and that has saved me from the darkest months of my life.
  3. I do create art.
  4. I can take shots of whatever I want. If I wanna take a pic that shows my butt off, I am allowed to do just that.
  5. No one at iHeart is obsessed with me. In fact, I’m not even sure where one would get that assumption. I wear my noise cancelling headphones all day and avoid talking to other people.
  6. THERE IS NO SILICON ANYWHERE IN MY BODY. But thanks for the compliment, I think I have nice boobs also.
  7. I’m pretty without makeup, too. 😉

Why do people think it’s okay to judge people they don’t know? I know this is a blog, but believe it or not, there are a lot of things I don’t actually talk about on here.

My 2019 wish for anyone out there with negativity to spread: don’t judge people you don’t know. Try to give others the benefit of the doubt because more than likely, they have been through more than you could ever know. It’s taken me a very long time to get my mental health to the place it is today. I’m proud of that progress. I don’t appreciate people coming in shooting shots at me for no reason other than to try to make themselves feel better.

Sidenote: I also have Humble stuck in my head thanks to that oh-so-insightful comment.

Happy New Year, fam! Don’t be mean to people.

xx – A

General Life Stuff

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I’ve been a really bad blogger lately. I’m not sure what to say, really. Life has gotten busier and I’ve found that I don’t need to vent to the online universe or talk about whatever nearly as frequently. For the sake of trying to get back into some sort of routine to keep my website alive, I am back. Since I haven’t been updating you guys on anything lately, I think I’ll just start with that. Hopefully it’s interesting enough to follow along–quite a lot of interesting things have happened since I last blogged!

The biggest life change that’s happened since September is my new living status. I co-bought a house with my mom and moved out of my tiny little apartment. The house is an absolutely stunning, 4-story townhome in Alamo Heights. Before moving, I really struggled with depression and anxiety, but oddly enough, things have improved dramatically since my move. I now live a short walk away from my closest friends and that alone makes me so much happier. Also, not living in a cave-like apartment is very beneficial. The house is stunning and I absolutely love it with my whole heart.

I know I talked for a while about how I wanted to move to Florida after a while, but those plans have since changed. Or, more accurately, they’ve re-adjusted. My best friend (who will be making the move with me) has since gotten me to consider a different destination–Colorado. At first, I honestly wasn’t too keen for the idea, but I’m growing to like the idea more and more every day. A change of scenery would honestly be awesome. I mean, why move to Florida to get more beaches–something I’ve had an abundance of for 20+ years. Why not just change it up completely? So as of now, that’s the plan. (And yes, I have been saving up and preparing.)

Last but not least, you already know I have my obsession with traveling. Of course I would have my next vacation all planned out. I’m going to be visiting my friend in D.C. in less than a month. I haven’t been to D.C. since I was really young, so I’m excited to get to see everything while I’m old enough to understand. I’m going in mid-January so I’m sure it’ll be nice and cold and snowy and I am beyond excited.

Anyways, yeah. That’s what’s happening in my life. Not my best blog, I’m sure, but a blog nonetheless.

xx – A

Another Fitness Post

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Alright guys, this is something that I feel passionately about, so Imma write about it. Try and stop me! (Jk don’t do that, I really hope y’all enjoy fitness stuff.) My two passions lately have been poetry and working out because they’re both outlets for my stress and emotions. Today’s focus and appreciation goes to working out, because hot damn I love working out so much. ALSO, my most recent fitness investment has me excited AF to get home after work and work out!

My recent struggle, although I have been consistently been working out 5-6 days a week, is figuring out what to do in my workouts. Making your own workouts is hard, guys! So I had kind of been trying to do my own thing, and it had been working for me so far, but I knew that sometime soon, my workouts would stop being beneficial for me because they would all be so similar to one another. I’m not a fitness guru, I don’t specialize in workouts or anything, and I have no idea how to create a variety of workouts that will tone my whole body. My past fitness came from playing tennis all the time but I don’t have that luxury anymore. The friend I would always play with got left behind when I moved away after college, and I haven’t been able to find a replacement for him here. (I also don’t even really have as much time as I did before to commit to tennis, even though I really really miss it.)

Anyways, I had been considering signing up for this workout group created by a model I follow and look up to based out of Australia named Stephanie Claire Smith. (I’ve linked to her Insta account there so you can see how much of a badass she is.) Steph and her best friend, Laura Henshaw created this fitness group called Keep It Cleaner (or KIC). This is a fitness program for ladies (or guys), and Steph and Laura provide workouts, recipes, meal planning, meditations, and motivation to those in the group! There’s a private Facebook page for those who have paid the $20/month entrance fee, and once you’re in, you have access to thousands of other girls whose fitness goals parallel yours. You can get inspiration, support, ideas, and so much more from the ladies in this group.

I had been considering joining this group for a while now, and yesterday I finally said ‘fuck it’ and took the plunge. I’m motivated. I’m trying to get fit. It’s a good price. So why not?

Steph Claire Smith
Laura Henshaw
Steph Claire Smith
Keep It Cleaner!
Steph Claire Smith (right) and Laura Henshaw.

Guys, I can’t even explain how excited about this I am already. I did my first KIC workout yesterday, and I was dripping in sweat afterwards. It felt so satisfying! There was a combination of shadow boxing (surprisingly hard) and body weight exercises/movements. Today I’m sore, but not insanely, painfully sore–just the perfect amount of sore. I know I’ve only been doing this for one day, but I’ve honestly never been more excited about working out before in my life. I can’t wait to see where this takes me. 🙂

So there ya have it! That’s my current fitness journey! I’m so so excited to see my results in the coming weeks/months. (#summerbod)

 

The Future

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We’ve all thought about the future; we all think about the future constantly. We think about what we’re going to do after work or school, about what we’re going to eat for dinner, or even what task we’re going to start on next after finishing the current one. Humans are creatures who are always thinking about the future; whether or not that’s a good think, I don’t know. It just is.

One thing I know for sure is the importance of creating and cultivating plans for your future to look forward to and work towards. If you’re going to school day in and day out, why are you doing it? To get a degree, yes, but what next? You need to form goals for yourself to work towards so that you have a reason for doing what you’re doing. The same goes for those who work jobs, they’re making money, but for what? Yeah, you have to pay bills and have money to live, but what else are you doing with your hard earned cash? Make plans!

Looking forward to big events is important, but it’s the little joys that we look forward to that really keeps us going. Those dinner plans you made with a friend the other day? You know? The ones you’ve been looking forward to all week? Your excitement about this one simple thing keeps your mood up, and essentially gives you something to live for. Even little things like going to the gym after work, or making it through half the day and getting to take a break and eat lunch. Little joys like this get us from one point to the next.

My favorite kind of things to look forward to though, are weekend activities or vacations. (I know I can’t be the only one!) I have this weird way of getting depressed about the future unless I have plans in the future to look forward to. Things like Saturday hikes or weekend trips to NYC are things I can plan and look forward to. Now, the NYC thing hasn’t necessarily been set in stone just yet, but it’s a goal for me to work towards. I have to save money to buy a flight to get there, and once I do that, I can have solid plans.

airplane

As someone who has an ongoing battle with depression and anxiety, I have found ways to keep myself afloat. I keep busy, and I keep looking forward. I’ll continue doing this, until I find myself in a place where I don’t have to work to make plans, they’ll just come naturally. I have been broken and beat down in so many ways, but my determination to not let life just happen to me is what’s keeping me going. I will be in charge of my life, and I refuse to let myself be controlled by life’s shitty events, and instead would rather take charge of my own life. Making plans is my way of doing that.

Do things that keep you going. Always.

xx – A

Valentine’s Day

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Honestly, I feel like this is such a much needed topic to cover. Valentine’s Day is one of those pointless holidays that Hallmark created to sell cards, we all know it. Whatever, they need to make money. The thing I hate about it though, is the expectations. The same goes to EVERY Hallmark holiday, especially New Year’s. There’s this relatively non-important holiday, and with society’s expectations on that holiday, you feel pressured to adhere to some standard of activities on that particular day.

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(Now, my dad did send me some beautiful flowers for Valentine’s Day and I appreciated those SO MUCH. They actually kind of made my day, but that’s not the point of this rant.)

On New Year’s, if you’re not out celebrating with a lot of friends with the perfect date for a New Year’s Kiss, then you’re not doing it right. (Apparently.) So if you don’t have plans to do that, you either feel extreme anxiety in trying to make those plans, or you just feel down because you don’t have a way of doing that at all. I hate that! I hate the societal standard that you have to celebrate this particular holiday and if you don’t, you just feel bummed out. It’s not fair. It’s frustrating.

The same goes for Valentine’s Day. If you’re not out going to a fancy dinner with your significant other and if they don’t give you fancy gifts and if you don’t take cute pictures to post everywhere, then you’re not doing it right. That irritates me SO MUCH. Valentine’s Day just makes you feel crappy if you’re not doing any of those things, and it’s just not fair.

These holidays, along with SO MANY MORE, are primarily celebrated so that products promoting them can be sold. They’re for cooperations to make money off of, and just because there’s nothing I can do about that does not mean I have to actively celebrate them in the way they’re “supposed” to be celebrated. I do what I want on those holidays and just because a random Wednesday happens to be some ridiculous holiday does not mean I’m going to spend a bunch of money on stuff no one needs and stress about plans that are not necessary. And if you’re someone who celebrates these holidays, cool! I celebrate them in their correct way sometimes, but other times I just don’t want that pressure. It’s not fair.

Yeah so I’m not sure if this blog even entirely makes sense but I needed to vent a little. I hope this isn’t too terribly pointless and that you got something out of this.

xx -A

Today

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Well, today’s blog is probably going to be pretty short and not particularly exciting, but I shall blog it anyways. I’m in a pretty good mood. I spent today actively avoiding leaving my apartment–partly because it was 40º this morning and partly because I just wanted to stay in and watch TV and work on job stuff and catch up on emails and whatnot.

Last week, I had an in-person interview on Tuesday, and that same afternoon, I went through a phone screen interview. I was told by the woman interviewing me over the phone that I would hear from her on Monday morning (aka today) if I make it to the next stage of interviews: in-person interviews. I was pleased to receive a call from her this morning asking if I was available to come in for an in-person interview Tuesday morning. (Obviously, I said yes.) I also received an email from someone at a different company that I had applied to asking if I was available for a phone interview on Tuesday as well. (More good news!) So of course, I’m very excited about making ACTUAL progress in my ongoing job hunt tomorrow.

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My goal was to spend the whole day without leaving at all, but I was notified by my complex of a shipment arriving for me at the office. (I wasn’t expecting anything, though.) Much to my surprise (and delight!), my new coffee table I had ordered on Amazon arrived two days early! Despite the fact that I had to haul it from the office to my apartment because it wasn’t delivered to my door like my furniture usually is, I was very excited! After opening it all up, I realized it would be slightly more complicated to put together than I anticipated, but after a few minutes I figured it out and got to work. Check it out! I love it!

So yeah, today’s blog is primarily about me wanting to talk about the things that are going well for me today. That may or may not be interesting for people, but I don’t know, sometimes it’s nice to just actually take a step back and think about how good I’ve got it. I live a pretty good life, and sure I’m allowed to have my bad days, but ultimately I live a good life. I have people who care about me, I have opportunities (hopefully) coming my way, and I live in a cute apartment and have a cute and cuddly kitty. It’s not a bad life to live.

xx – A

Girl’s Weekend

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I’m sure I’m not the only one who has those weeks where NOTHING seems to go right, right? That’s how this past week was for me. It was rough, and I was miserable for them majority of it. I just felt like I was getting bad news after bad news and even if something good happened, it felt like the bad stuff overshadowed it.

On Friday, my mom drove up to San Antonio (which gave me some much needed mother-daughter time). Her primary reason for going up was to visit my grandparents (her dad and step-mom) since my grandpa’s health isn’t the greatest right now. I went with her to visit them and we had a really nice time talking and hanging out for a few hours. I forgot about the week’s sadness, but it got worse again on Friday evening when I realized the weekend had arrived and I basically had no plans. My mom had only gone up to SA for the day, so once she left it hit me–all of my friends in town (San Antonio) were busy or going out of town for the weekend. I would basically be spending the weekend alone, and that was not something I could handle emotionally.

I was talking to one of my best friends who lives in Dallas all day on Friday and I was talking about how down I felt. She suggested going up to visit her for the weekend for a girl’s weekend. So I decided to just do it. I wasn’t able to leave San Antonio until 9:30 p.m., so I didn’t arrive in Dallas until around 1:30 a.m. That didn’t matter though. My best friend and I got to hang out and catch up for a few hours and so far, the rest of the weekend has been exactly what I needed. I talked through some of the things I was frustrated about with her and it calmed me down a lot. She talked down my anxiety levels and convinced me to not worry and stress so much. I needed someone to ground me and she did it perfectly. We spent the weekend having fun and just catching up, since I hadn’t been up to visit in about a year.

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We went out on Saturday (because that’s what 22-year-olds do) and we had an absolute BLAST. I hadn’t had that much fun going out in a long time (despite the fact that we went home early). Both of us looked at each other around midnight and we realized we were ready to go home, so we got pizza, and went back to her apartment to watch some tv. We were in bed by 2 a.m., and if that’s not actual life goals, then I don’t know what is. (I love to have fun, but I really love to sleep). Since we were spending quality time together and were having so much fun, I took almost zero pictures from that night, but here’s a little shot from that night before we left her apartment.

Now that it’s Sunday, and the stresses from this past week are behind me now, I feel so much better about everything. I’m still stressing about not having a job yet, but I’m doing all I can to make that happen. This “Girl’s Weekend” has reminded me that I need to just step back from all the things that are driving me crazy every once in a while and just enjoy the little things, like quality time with a life-long friend. It’s amazing how therapeudic getting away from everything that’s stressing you out for a bit can be.

I had actually just sat down to job hunt some more, when my best friend suggested blogging about this weekend. I wasn’t sure what to write, but I figured it’d come to me as I wrote. (Spoiler alert: it totally did.) So yeah, friendly reminder to anyone who happens to read this: don’t underestimate the power of good company and a good time to help you get over all the stuff that’s driving you crazy and bringing you down.

xx -A

Job Hunting

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img_5355As of about 5 minutes ago, I submitted my ONE HUNDREDTH job application. I started applying for jobs around 2 months before I graduated, thinking that would give me enough time to lock something down by the new year. Boy was I wrong. After 100 job applications, I have been emailed back maybe 10 times, and I have been brought in for 3 interviews.

I have a very strong resume.
I made excellent grades in school.
I worked for a year in an internship related to the career I wish to pursue.
I am friendly, smart, passionate, motivated, hardworking, positive, flexible, creative, and a great communicator.
I have my own website that is very well done that showcases a lot of the great work I did during college.
I was involved in clubs during college.
I have sent out hard copies of my resume to companies and family friends inquiring about jobs.
I have applied on job websites as well as directly through company websites.

I have don everything that “they” tell you to do in order to get a job, but alas, no job. What is this about? What more could I possibly do to get a job? I mean this is RIDICULOUS. I cannot be the only one who thinks this. WHAT is the deal with this job market?! I moved to a bigger city because there would be more job opportunities, but how have I still come up completely blank?

Why is it so hard for someone who REALLY wants to work to find a full-time job? I’ve been in a bigger city for a little over a month and I’m basically going stir crazy. I can’t handle sitting around NOT making money anymore. I need rent money, I need something to do, I need to move forward in my life. I cannot do that while I am unemployed. (Obviously.)

Anyways, this is a short blog entry. I’m just sitting inside a coffee shop and am upset and frustrated and discouraged. I needed somewhere to vent, and what better place than my own personal blog that I’m pretty sure zero people currently read?

xx – A