Two Steps Forward….

img_6960So you know what they say? Two steps forward, one step back? I long-jumped backwards. In my defense though, I had been running at a full sprint forwards for a while so I guess it caught up to me a bit. Performing as perfectly as possible forever isn’t realistic, I guess.

I’ve been having a hard time lately, and when I’m having a hard time, I’ve found my best way to deal with it is to blog. So i’m back. I took like a month long hiatus from blogging because i was distracted, but no more!

I’ve been lacking motivation and desire to workout and blog and do all of those things lately. I’ve still been making myself workout pretty regularly, but it’s just not fun for me right now. I need to work on getting back into a healthier mindset, but it’s not easy. It feels freaking impossible. I really need to work on keeping toxicity out of my life instead of letting it poison me from the inside out.

My priorities shifted away from the desire to excel and that really upsets me. Like i was blogging once a week, and now? It’s been so long! I’m not even nearly as motivated as I had previously been to bang out my freelance blogs (although i’m obviously still writing them regularly). I’m thinking it’s time for a mental reboot, but I’m not really sure how to do that other than start doing the things I need to do again. Blogging, working out, spending time with friends and family, saving money, working hard. Working hard makes me happy and I need to make sure to always do what makes me happy.

I decided I’m going to implement some new short-term goals for myself to help get back on track. 🙂 I figured that typing them out and sharing them with the world would help hold me accountable. (Feel free to call me out if you notice me slacking.) I’m writing out 5 goals for myself for the next few weeks that will hopefully get me back to where I need and want to be.

  1. Fall in love with working out again. Embrace the endorphins that come with working out, and use your beautiful workout group to find your way back to the healthy relationship you had with working out.
  2. Stop spending so freely. You’ve stopped so heavily focusing on your goal of moving to Florida and if you want that to happen, you need to continue to be smart with your spending habits.
  3. Get back into regular blogging, both freelance and personal. It’s a therapeutic habit and when you start slacking on that, you start losing focus.
  4. Learn to not be so hard on yourself. You’re your own biggest critic, and honestly, you need to learn how to chill out sometimes when it comes to beating yourself up when you muck up.
  5. Practice good self care. 🙂 Eat healthier, take care of yourself, do facemasks, paint your nails, etc. Do it all and do it with love!

Hopefully this blog wasn’t too dull or whatever for you to read. Sometimes I write for other people and sometimes I do it for myself. Today is a day for the latter.

Hope everyone has a great rest of their week.

xx – A

P.S. In the last few weeks, vacationed in Destin, Florida with my friends, turned 23, went home, spent the day at Six Flags, tubed the river, visited with a friend from Belgium, spent loads of time with friends (doing all of those activities), and made some amazing memories. Just a little update. 🙂

Friday!

Hey y’all! (Wow that sounds so Texan.)

It’s Friday…obviously! And I’m in a STELLAR mood. So, what better way to make use of this amazing mood than to blog amiright? I’ve been slacking lately because work has been insanely busy, but I love it. I love being busy and productive and making money. I usually try to do a “Things I Love Friday” but that’s not going to be the case this week. This week’s blog is going to be much less structured than that….whoops! I’m in too great of a mood to restrict myself with like a blog “formula.”

Anyways, back to my great mood. I want to take this mood and try to share it. (Does that even make sense?) I just want everyone to feel the amazing feelings I’m feeling today. I feel empowered, happy, at peace, and just all-around amazing. There’s a few reasons that led to this, but they’re not important.
If anyone is having a less-than-stellar day/week/month, whatever, I feel you! I’ve had bad days too. So flipping many of them. They suck. But you gotta work work work work work (like Beyonce) to get past them. So, it’s basically the weekend. This weekend, I want you to do something nice for yourself. No matter how busy you might be, spend a little time doing something for you and only you. It’ll help ground you and make you feel better if you’re feeling overwhelmed or something.
Also, spend some time with the people you love, whether it be friends, family, or both. Put your phone down, be present. Get in that quality time. You won’t regret it. xx

Okay, topic change! (I know, whiplash much?) I want to talk about work now! As I mentioned previously, work has been super busy! One of my team members went out on maternity leave last Friday, so starting this week, the remaining 4 members of the team had to pick up a ton of extra work. You see, each of our 5 team members (myself included) has a portion of the United States that they’re responsible for. (I’ve got Texas, Florida, Louisiana, Oklahoma, and a few more states.) BUT, since my team member is out, the work I’m responsible for has definitely increased. It’s been a challenge, but I absolutely love challenges so like, bring it! This added workload on top of my new part-time blogging job has given me so much more workplace satisfaction. I love being busy!

Speaking of being busy, I’m getting together a league sand volleyball team. So I’ll be the team captain to “The Clever Beaches”! Okay so we haven’t actually all agreed on that team name yet. (The guys aren’t fans.) But I’ll be team cap and it’s going to make Tuesday nights super amazing. Plus my legs are going to get even more ripped because being the tallest girl on the team automatically means I’ll be front row spiking and blocking a lot. Another challenge…bring it!

img_6399

BUT Y’ALL. The biggest thing I’m loving this Friday (there’s that “Things I Love Friday”  reference) is that I have officially started saving for my next relocation. I have never planned on staying in San Antonio forever, and I think I’ve finally decided on my future home–FLORIDA! I’m still torn between a few cities, but I’m leaning towards the Tampa area. Also my best friend is interested in going with me, so that would actually be goals. I’d finally be out of Texas….a dream come true! I put away $500 into a savings account the other day, and I hope to have roughly $3k in savings by the end of the year. (Definitely achievable because I’m a frugal little child.) So yeah, that’s the plan.

So there ya have it….a very sloppy and unstructured “Things I Love Friday” blog. I hope I didn’t bore y’all too much. Hopefully I can get back into more regular blog posting with actual themes soon, but things have been chaotic.

Have an amazing Friday!

xx – A

 

A Hangover I Don’t Deserve

Alright. I’m sitting at my desk right now on the brink of actual death and I can’t help but think back on my actions and regret the hell out of them. I had fun though, so I guess I only regret some of the actions?

Last night, I went to my first Spurs game so naturally, I drank alcohol. img_5876I pregamed and drank at the game. I guess I drank ~ way ~ too much, because the time is now 3:27 PM and I have been at work since 8:00 AM today, hungover as fuck for every minute of it. I’m fortunate that my boss is out today, so she can’t see my devastating appearance along with the less than productive attitude I’ve had about work today. I’ve literally been trying (and failing) to not throw up for most of the day. I had to make not one, not two, but three mad dashes to the bathroom to vomit my guts out. Thankfully, no one was in the restroom at the time to hear my wretched noises, but it still sucked. It sucked so bad.

I can’t even begin to count the number of times I’ve cried today.

I took a nap in my car during my lunch break, but it was not nearly as helpful as I hoped it would be since I came back inside and then proceeded to go on my third mad bathroom dash so my body could expel all of my stomach’s contents. How there was anything actually left after the first two times, I am unsure. (TMI? I don’t care today–I’m miserable.)

After that I got some Easy Mac and a coke and finally got some food into my body. It helped. For a bit. But it recently wore off and I’m back to feeling like an actual garbage bag.

Today has been the LONGEST day of my life. Honestly. And it’s a Friday! Fridays are supposed to be good, not terribly miserable. This day also feels like it’s been 
d r a g g i n g 

on for like 10 years. I can’t handle it. I just want to go home and shower and sleep until I feel good again. Actually scratch that, the shower isn’t even necessary. I just want to go home and sleep so I don’t feel so bad anymore.

I’m so sad. I’m so miserable. I feel so bad. I’m nauseous. I am exhausted. I hate my decisions.

I am never going to stay out late drinking on a work night again. Ever. I might stay out late, and I might drink, but I will never combine the two again. I don’t think I went to bed until 3 AM or so, and my alarms went off at 6:30 AM this morning. So yeah, not much sleep. And not any quality sleep either.

That is all. I am just sad and wanted to talk about it to try and make the time pass a little faster. Peace out guys. Don’t make decisions like me. 🙂

xx – A


Update: it has been 5 minutes since I posted that and I just came back from my fourth throw-up bathroom run. So the Easy Mac and Coke did no favors for me. My body just said NOPE to that. Cool cool. It’s fine. I’m fine.


Another update: I found out Friday evening that some large venues have dirty lines for their draft beer. After doing some research, I found that the bacteria in those dirty lines can cause massive hangovers even if you don’t drink much (which I really didn’t). I honestly had started thinking that I was roofied or something, but I was sober by the time I got home Thursday night. So there ya have it, dirty tap lines made me die on Friday. That’s the only logical explanation for how badly I died.

Also, I might have failed to mention that I sprayed lavender color in my hair for the game and I absolutely loved it. So I’ll include some pics of my super cool hair. 🙂

 

My Experience with Wordpress Support

Okay, so today has been a very productive day. Along with doing actual work at my actual job, I spent a lot of my time on the side working on setting up a new page on my website. It took a LONG TIME.

This morning, I decided to upgrade my website from the free version to the basic plan that averages at roughly $4 a month, but it’s a one time payment of whatever $4 x 12 is. At first, I was more interested in having the URL without the “wordpress” sponsorship in it. Now it’s just annamerissa.com, which is GREAT; it’s so much nicer looking. In addition to that, there are no more WordPress.com ads which makes for a much better experience when visiting my website. The thing that I didn’t expect being so beneficial was the freaking EMAIL AND LIVE CHAT SUPPORT!

The moment I realized I could finally chat with someone for free about my desire to create an archival page for blog posts, I messaged the help people. From there I went on for a LONG WHILE trying to get exactly what I wanted to show up on my site, to show up. (Websites are a finicky thing, you know.) And oh. my. goodness. I can’t even begin to explain how helpful my support person was. I honestly would have never been able to figure all of this out on my own.

Anyways, what I spent a good chunk of today working on is a page that compiles all of my blog posts so it’s a hell of a lot easier to go back and read through older posts. (Before, you had to scroll all the way through everything.) So although this blog post is fairly uninteresting, I just wanted to rave a little bit about how helpful the WordPress staff is. 🙂 For reference, I’m attaching our chat conversation to the bottom of this blog just so you can see for yourself how difficult I was and how understanding my assistance was.
I also wanted to let you know there is now a much easier way to go back and read old blogs of mine if you felt so inclined. (I hope you do!)

So, you should definitely head over to the page I spent oh-so-much time working on today and at least admire it a little bit. 😉

xx – A


Screenshot (4)Screenshot (5)Screenshot (6)

More Poetry

Sorry if this is uninteresting, it’s been such a focus in my life right now, I can’t even go a day without wanting (needing?) to read some poetry. It’s just so soothing, okay?! 

This past weekend was Easter weekend, obviously, and my mom got me the most amazing gift–a book of poems by the poet Atticus, who as you know if you read my last blog, is one of my favorites. I didn’t go through it immediately after she gave it to me, I have certain moments during the day in which I like to read poetry. Instead of me going through it, my mom offered to thumb through and read some of the poems to me, which I readily accepted. (Having poems read to you is almost as great as writing them down yourself.)

You see, the thing I love about poetry is how these simple words and short poems (or long poems) can make you feel so hard. Everyone feels them a little differently, but they can impact you so intensely and I love that about them. There was one poem my mom started reading to me that brought me to tears, another that made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt, one that made me feel strong and empowered, and another that brought in waves of nostalgia that made my chest tight. It truly amazes me how just some simple words printed on paper can have so much of an effect on me.

Throughout work today, I’ve been working on filling my fourth and largest journal with poetry that spoke to me, and I hope to have filled it by the end of the day honestly. As much as I thoroughly enjoy writing all of these poems down, I also find great pleasure in looking through them later on at the things I selected to write down. I’m even starting to remember what poems are in what books due to my constant reading of them. I think it’s safe to say I have a slight addiction to poetry, and I love it so so much.

Honestly, I wish I could even understand how this is so therapeutic to me, but it just is. So today, I really just feel like sharing some more poetry with hopes that someone else will be able to appreciate it as much as I have. Today, I’ve been gravitating primarily to Erin Hanson’s stuff, so that’s what I’m gonna share with you guys. (These aren’t my absolute favorites, but they’re what captured my heart and mind today.)

xx – A

P.S. For those of you who read my blogs, I cannot even begin to tell you how much I appreciate it. And if they do something for you, then that means everything in the world to me.

4a02807e564f20ebe551bd7528e74ae1
This is one of my mom’s favorites.

7cf16abe54d51a2911be0c62ed1fa3dd58174a794e0b25a0b51b073f3121c2873020f2b3d0013b51d39229f086d6f665a8016d6fbdf3e5967cb64e146d7cf738dbbb7bc262ce23155427974cf75e8245tumblr_nrx7hrBG2I1r0r0vvo1_500books